Issue #7 – “Spring Break and Second Semester” – March 1998

-Well, I just got back from Spring Break in Cancun and what a fucking amazing trip it was. It’s like a whole country built for the sole purpose of getting fucked up, and boy did we ever. Here are some of the crazy stories that happened to my friends and I in sunny Mexico.

-Not only is it easy to get in trouble with the law in Mexico, but people there will go out of their way to take a bribe. In the hotel we were staying, people who weren’t guests were not allowed in after 5pm. So a friend of mine tries to sneak this girl in but keeps getting caught by the security guards. Finally, he goes all the way around the hotel and tries to get in the back. Only this time, he gets caught by the manager, who has him handcuffed and arrested. The funny part is not that my friend bribed the guy to let him go, but that he actually charged his bribe on a credit card! Only in Mexico.

-But wait, there’s more. Another friend of mine gets caught by the police for getting it on with some chick on the beach. The cop takes him to the police car where two other couples have also been arrested. So the cops let the girls go and take the three guys in the car and start driving them to the police station. My friend and one of the guys both whip out a hundred dollars and bribe the cops, but the third guy doesn’t have any money. Listen to this – so the cop drives them to an ATM so the kid can take out money to bribe them and, when his card doesn’t work, drives them to two more ATMs before he finally takes out enough money for the bribe. Absolutely ridiculous!

-At one of the clubs in Cancun they have a foam party where they pour all these bubbles on the dance floor. It’s pretty cool, but the bubbles get really high and they’re pretty disgusting. I accidentally inhaled some of the bubbles then threw up right on the dance floor, but no one saw because everyone is covered in bubbles. A couple of kids said they just pissed right on the dance floor. After I heard that I got the hell out of there.

-A lot of other shit happened, most of which is too raunchy even for me to write. But the one thing I learned about Cancun is that people there love to try to cheat tourists out of money. A bus ride costs three pesos. I give the guy ten, he gives me five back, and then looks at me like I’m the fucking idiot. Only on Spring Break.

-And now for some ruminations on second semester. Does your mom still ask you about the kid you met the first day of school? You know, you meet this kinda dorky kid the first day and for some reason he’s already been there a week and knows everything, so he helps you move in and set up your computer? Every single time I speak to my mom now she asks me about him. Mom, I haven’t even seen that kid since!

-Is it a general rule that after you become a junior in college you always tuck your shirt into your pants? Just look around: freshman and sophomores are untucked, juniors, seniors, and everybody else are tucked in. And it gets worse, too. Your dad’s pants are above his belly button and your grandpa’s pants are up to his nipples. Eventually you don’t even have to wear a shirt anymore!

-My name is Aaron Karo. My email address is They couldn’t give me the last fucking letter of my name? Now I have the dumbest address ever. Who the fuck decides this shit? I want my “o”!!

-Do you know kids who live in the football player parallel universe? It’s those kids who were big-time players in high school but are too small or not good enough to play in college. But they still wear their high school jersey and letter jacket and hat because in their mind they’re still playing football. It’s actually pretty sad.

-And now for the Quote of the Month. My buddy Adam from Penn, when asked by the girl he was seeing why he hooked up with another girl at a party, responded, “I thought it was you!” Hey, you have to give him credit for the effort.

-If you’ve been following the news (and if you go to college, you probably haven’t), you’ll notice that everything going wrong in the world today is being blamed on El Nino. Tornado in Florida? El Nino. Stock market crashed? El Nino. So I figured it would work for me and told my mom El Nino was the reason my GPA was so low. Didn’t go over too well. Fuck me.